Beleth's Ruby City Journal

[arlathvhen]

Beleth managed to find a blank journal, perfect for filling in her thoughts. The journal itself is fairly plain, a dark green, leatherbound book. On the front of it, she attempted to scribble a strange symbol. Anyone in the know would recognize it as the symbol of the Inquisition. An odd thing to attach to a journal of private thoughts, perhaps she thought that it would make it feel more official, and remind her of who she was?

The book has been placed under Beleth's makeshift bed, so in order to find it, you'll have to root through the dead leaves and twigs. Flipping through it, she oddly enough leaves the first few pages blank. The journal is filled with Beleth's inner thoughts and feelings, and her attempting to grapple with her current circumstances. As there is no one she is currently close enough to to be able to speak her mind, she'll be doing it in here. If she comes to know people enough to tell them her thoughts, she may use this less, but who knows?

People may find themselves spoken of in these pages, and occasionally, not kindly, for while Beleth is polite and diplomatic, who doesn't have a sour thought or two within themselves?

On an OOC note, I'm fine with your character discovering Beleth's journal and reading it, but you must first A) Ask me, B) Explain how they found it. But be warned, if Beleth discovers this breach of trust, you will seriously jeopardize your relationship with her. If there was not much of a relationship to start off with, she may use physical violence (nothing that would seriously injure your character, but they might come out of it with a black eye).

Each post on here will be a separate entry, at the date that it was posted, unless indicated otherwise. If you want to ask about being able to find the journal, please post it here.

Comments

[Back dated to a week ago]

[arlathvhen]

I found this. It's a good thing I practiced writing with Josephine so I didn't make a fool out of myself. Hmm. Is it a good thing? Would I not be able to understand my own writing? It's possible. This will be good practice. It will also be nice to put down thoughts.

I'm trapped. I'm stuck here in this city and it is a nice city, but it is not Skyhold and I can not leave. I am very scared. I worry constantly about the Inquisition. About the Breach. About Corypheus. I fixed the breach but he is out there, and he is trying to break it again, I am sure. I've worried myself sick twice now, and I can't afford to keep making myself ill. So I will try to calm down. There is nothing I can do.

Is it wrong to wish that my companions had come with me? At least they are free to be able to continue our work, but...I miss them. So much. I miss people, really.

I'm lonely. I miss my friends.

It's odd to not be important anymore, but I feel like it would be petty to miss that. But being realistic, is it that odd? I don't need to be worshiped, but I would like to be respected. I didn't work hard to become the Herald, but I have worked hard to become the Inquisitor. I was the one who spilled my blood fighting demons, and red templars, and every evil creature that can be thrown at a person. I had to fight within my own mind, and kill an envy demon. And yet, none of that matters now. I'm just another elf squatting in a ruin, poor and worthless.

My mark doesn't even work. I have no clan, no Inquisition, and no mark.

And no friends. No people at all. I would welcome anyone who at least knew of Thedas, at this point, yet I am alone in a bigger way than I ever dreamed possible.

I feel as if I am very entitled to melodrama right about now, and I will thoroughly indulge myself in it, until I feel better about the situation.

In the meantime, I still need to survive, so I will be attempting to grow herbs and hunt. I can trade what I don't need. The park offers enough small game for me to eat comfortably, but I have a list of things I need.

-Better bed. Bedroll? More blankets?
-Clean apothecary. Need rags or mop.
-Vegetables (meat and elfroot not going to cut it)
-Pot to cook in
-More arrows

I'm sure there is more, and I will write them when I think of them. I'm very lucky, the apothecary is a fairly decent place to stay. It's always warm, and there is warm indoor water here! Even indoor toilets. There's a fireplace where I can cook. It's very convenient, all in all. I could do a lot worse.

I get stares but so far no one has been rude to me, it's much like when we were at Haven still. I can survive stares. As long as no one is shoving me in an alienage, I'll be fine.

I feel better, thinking about these positive things. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'll weather through it. I'm an elf, and we have survived everything that everyone has thrown at us thus far, and I will continue to do so.

Ir suledin nadas. I must endure.

[arlathvhen]

I found elves.

They are not elves like me, they are...elves like I dreamed of being. Like me and my people have tried, poorly, to emulate. I don't think they are our actual ancients, but they are so much akin to them that it's unnerving. I feel...odd, next to them.

Like a child's fingerpainting of what an elf should look like.

Could learning more about these elves help my people?

I want to know more about them.

Today was a holiday here. Celebrating love and friendship. Apparently, here, they celebrate it by having machines that spew out chocolate and sparkles, like little diamonds, but they get everywhere, and I'm not sure they'll ever quite leave my hair. It was quite nice, but it made me remember all those that are left behind in Thedas.

I'm sure they would enjoy the chocolate. The sparkles? Not as much. Sera, perhaps, but if she got her hands on them, I'm fairly sure there would be an outright rebellion on my hands. Could you imagine them getting into Cullen's pauldrons? Varric's chest? Vivienne would make them look like they were meant to be on her, I think, like little stars dusted her skin. Cole would give everyone his chocolates, and try to set up people who are in love but just missing that little touch of compassion.

Maybe I'll share this with them when I come home.

[arlathvhen]

Maglor has told me much of his world. I envy him. I envy all of them, in truth. Do they understand how lucky they are? Do they thank Eru when they wake up, and when they fall asleep, that they are everything that they are? Beautiful, graceful, immortal. They are like statues created to show the ideal of Elven kind.

They have all of their lore, their language. They only serve to remind me that I am sitting amid rubble of a wreck that is my own culture.

Still, they are so kind about it. Maglor has been patient, teaching me everything I ask. I told him about myself as well, and he was certainly encouraging about it. When I'm around him, I feel...more like myself? I remember who I am more. He's encouraging. I like being around him. Even though I am so small, he makes me feel like a bigger fish in not quite such a big pond.

The greenhouse is coming along well. I've gotten the seeds I needed from the Emporium. I'll be planting them shortly, and soon, I'll be able to trade with them. That should make sure that I have enough things to keep myself comfortable while I am here.

I'm afraid.

I don't want to talk to others about it.

I'm afraid I'll be here for a long time. How long are people here? There seems no way to leave, how do you leave? It's not that there aren't things here that I like, but...

I can't stay here.

I miss my friends. I miss my world.