Beleth continues studying her hands while Pel speaks, and then when Beleth replies. Her voice is still measurably calm, expression bland.
"You know what I think is a red card? Coming in here to accuse me of an attitude that you have assumed of me. It's a red flag to reveal that you know a secret I've tried to keep, and demand an explanation for it. A red flag is ignoring that demanded explanation because it doesn't fit into the narrative you're trying to push." She pauses for a moment, and glances up, and off to the side.
"Yelling at Cyril while being a guest in another clan was rude to our hosts, I admit. I lost my temper, and that was unseemly of me. But he insulted my brother, and I'm afraid that I will always be unseemly when confronted with that." And back down to her lap, tapping her fingers on her legs.
"Let me repeat myself, in the interests of communication. I was not pursuing Alistair at the time that you were with Norrington. I was not pursuing him when you told me of your pregnancy. I had...feelings, but I pushed them aside, because I believed that was the correct thing to do. It was...some time after all of that, where I decided that maybe I was wrong, and maybe it wouldn't hurt to try." She clicks her tongue, expression sour. "But it did. And now I know better. So kindly stop lecturing me on it."
She briefly presses her lips together. She is tempted, but she won't repay passive-aggressiveness with the like. She's going to keep being straight.
"All I wanted from you is 'I'm sorry you felt hurt and betrayed, but you have it all wrong.' I didn't want to be right about this, Beleth. I wanted to know there was more to it than you saying one thing and then doing another. And I wanted to believe you would see more in me than a dead leaf, and more in my child than that it's the correct race. I didn't know you were so deeply in doubt at the time. That's why I kept asking you questions. I wanted to know what's going on."
That seems to mollify Beleth to an extent--she relaxes some, expression softening (though still looking rather sullen).
"It felt pretty accusatory," Not that it takes much to convince Beleth that everybody hates her and all her life decisions. "You weren't saying a lot in the form of a question. You were saying them all as statements. That I had all these red flags." She feels petulant, but indignation is stronger. Still, she settles, sighing.
"I apologize for assuming you were accusing me of anything. Is there anything else you need clarified on." An attempt to not just be a grumpy gus.
A squint, though Beleth has always had something of a selective memory. Over half their conversation has been questions. But Beleth likes to be a martyr, so let her think herself one. It's not worth derailing the conversation to nail down that one tangential point.
"Any apology you make toward Cyril is business between you and him, and not my business to arrange, but I urge you to consider it. I urge you to consider making reparations where you have made tears, as people ordinarily do when they learn they have been hurtful and have long since calmed down. I would do the same for you."
Beleth's kneejerk reaction is to point out that Cyril was hardly crying over it, possibly because he knew she was right. And that she wasn't sorry, because she was right, and also because he'd been shit talking Sorrel. And in all honesty he was lucky she didn't deck him???
But none of these are helpful to the current conversation, and certainly are not things that Pel needs to hear. And honestly, even if she was right, and even if he'd been rude, her response had been...crossing a line in decorum. For that, at least, she knew she'd done wrong.
"I understand." She nods, hands clasped on her lap. "Thank you for your counsel, Pel. I'll take time to consider your words, and give apologies where they are due."
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arlathvhen) wrote2015-02-18 01:05 am
no subject
"You know what I think is a red card? Coming in here to accuse me of an attitude that you have assumed of me. It's a red flag to reveal that you know a secret I've tried to keep, and demand an explanation for it. A red flag is ignoring that demanded explanation because it doesn't fit into the narrative you're trying to push." She pauses for a moment, and glances up, and off to the side.
"Yelling at Cyril while being a guest in another clan was rude to our hosts, I admit. I lost my temper, and that was unseemly of me. But he insulted my brother, and I'm afraid that I will always be unseemly when confronted with that." And back down to her lap, tapping her fingers on her legs.
"Let me repeat myself, in the interests of communication. I was not pursuing Alistair at the time that you were with Norrington. I was not pursuing him when you told me of your pregnancy. I had...feelings, but I pushed them aside, because I believed that was the correct thing to do. It was...some time after all of that, where I decided that maybe I was wrong, and maybe it wouldn't hurt to try." She clicks her tongue, expression sour. "But it did. And now I know better. So kindly stop lecturing me on it."
I am so sorry for all the edits
"All I wanted from you is 'I'm sorry you felt hurt and betrayed, but you have it all wrong.' I didn't want to be right about this, Beleth. I wanted to know there was more to it than you saying one thing and then doing another. And I wanted to believe you would see more in me than a dead leaf, and more in my child than that it's the correct race. I didn't know you were so deeply in doubt at the time. That's why I kept asking you questions. I wanted to know what's going on."
no subject
"It felt pretty accusatory," Not that it takes much to convince Beleth that everybody hates her and all her life decisions. "You weren't saying a lot in the form of a question. You were saying them all as statements. That I had all these red flags." She feels petulant, but indignation is stronger. Still, she settles, sighing.
"I apologize for assuming you were accusing me of anything. Is there anything else you need clarified on." An attempt to not just be a grumpy gus.
no subject
"Any apology you make toward Cyril is business between you and him, and not my business to arrange, but I urge you to consider it. I urge you to consider making reparations where you have made tears, as people ordinarily do when they learn they have been hurtful and have long since calmed down. I would do the same for you."
no subject
But none of these are helpful to the current conversation, and certainly are not things that Pel needs to hear. And honestly, even if she was right, and even if he'd been rude, her response had been...crossing a line in decorum. For that, at least, she knew she'd done wrong.
"I understand." She nods, hands clasped on her lap. "Thank you for your counsel, Pel. I'll take time to consider your words, and give apologies where they are due."